1. Starting to feel like ninety one thousand damn degrees outside? We got you. Chill the fuck out with a big ass cup of this tropical treat. All you need are five fucking ingredients and a blender. You should be able to handle that shit even if it feels like the world is melting.

    PIÑA COLADA ICE CREAM  

    Makes about 1 ½ pints, enough for 2-3 sweaty motherfuckers

    3 cups of frozen pineapple*

    1 frozen banana, broken into chunks

    1 ½ cups canned coconut milk

    1 tablespoon liquid sweetener like agave or maple syrup, whatever you got

    ½ teaspoon vanilla extract

    Throw everything in a blender and run that shit until it’s all smooth. Pour it into a loaf pan or similar shaped container and smooth it all around so it’s even. Don’t go freezing some uneven chunky bullshit and waste everybody’s time.

    Cover and place in the motherfucking freezer until it is nice and solid, at least 5 hours depending on how shitty your freezer is. You know what the fuck you should do with ice cream after that. This is best eaten the first day or two after it’s made because it can get harder to scoop the longer it sits. But no doubt you or your roommates will get after it long before then. 

    *about one 16 ounce bag

     

  2. All the fresh herbs piled in here make this a choice dish for spring. If you know how to mash and chop, then this fucker is basically already made. YOU. GOT. THIS.

    This recipe is straight out of new The VB6 Cookbook by Mark Bittman. Share this post and your name will be entered in a random drawing for a chance to win a copy of the book. Winners will be selected Friday May 9th and if your name gets picked, we’ll contact you for your mailing address. And don’t worry, we aren’t just giving away one book, we’re giving away FIVE. So why the fuck are you still reading about it? Share this deliciousness and you’re entered to win. 

    CHICKPEA TABBOULEH

    3 cups cooked chickpeas*

    2 large tomatoes, chopped

    2 ribs of celery, chopped

    1 red bell pepper, chopped

    5 radishes, chopped

    1 cup chopped fresh parsley

    1 cup chopped fresh mint

    ½ cup chopped green onions

    3 tablespoons olive oil

    3 tablespoons lemon juice

    ½ teaspoon salt

    ¼ teaspoon ground pepper

    Throw the chickpeas in a large bowl and mash those little motherfuckers up until a bunch of them break apart. Use a fork, a potato masher, your fists, whatever you got. Some beans can be left whole, don’t fucking stress about it.

    Add everything else in and toss until it’s all mixed up and coated in the dressing. Taste and add more lemon juice, salt, pepper, you know, whatthefuckever you think might be lacking. Serve it right away or chill that shit in the fridge.

    *2 15 ounce cans if that’s more your speed.

     

     

  3. So you might’ve thought we’ve been slipping the past couple months with no new posts but we swear there’s a good fucking reason for the radio silence. We’ve been working our asses off on the book and now you can finally preorder your copy through Amazon, Barnes & Noble, IndieBound, or Books-A-Million.

    We know y’all have been patient and we really appreciate that shit. We’ve poured everything we can into this damn book and it’s taking some time to get that shit right. We didn’t want some half-ass book that looks like we just printed off a bunch of stuff from the site. Naw, we know you deserve better than that. So this book hits hard with 100 brand new, tasty as fuck recipes that are guaranteed to elevate your kitchen game.

    Stay tuned for more updates, behind the scenes shit, and all kinds of previews as we get closer to unleashing this beast of a book.

    The Thug Kitchen Cookbook is coming for you October 2014.

    Expect that shit.

     

  4. Asparagus is a solid stand-alone veggie with all its vitamin K and folate but paired with this creamy risotto? HOT DAMN. It takes this spring staple to another level.

    SPRING ASPARAGUS RISOTTO

    Enough for 4 people

    2 tablespoons olive oil

    1/3 cup chopped shallots or yellow onion

    3 cloves garlic, minced

    1 cup Arborio rice*

    ½ cup white wine

    ¼ teaspoon salt

    4 ½ cups vegetable broth

    1 bunch asparagus, about 1 pound

    ½ teaspoon lemon zest

    1 teaspoon olive oil

    ¼ cup minced chives

    pepper to taste

    Warm up the veggie broth in a medium pot until it gently simmers then turn off the heat. Chop up the shallots, garlic, and asparagus. You’ll want the asparagus in pieces about an inch long, like bite-sized. Cut off the tough ends because those woody sons of bitches will ruin everything.

    In a large skillet or pot with a wide bottom, heat up the 2 tablespoons of oil over a medium heat. Add the shallots and sauté them around until they start to look kinda golden, about 2-3 minutes. Add the garlic and rice and sauté until the rice smells toasted and starts looking like it absorbed some of the oil, about 2 more minutes. This helps make your risotto all creamy SO DON’T SKIP THIS SHIT. Add the white wine and salt to the pot and cook until most of the wine has evaporated and you scraped whatever bits of shallot got stuck to the bottom of the pot, like a minute or 2. Drink the rest wine because… well, that shits already open. Might as well.

    Now add 2 cups of the warm broth, stir, and lower the heat so that the pot is at a simmer, uncovered. Stir every couple of minutes until most of the broth has absorbed into the rice, about 7-10 minutes. You don’t need to stand there and stir it the whole fucking time; whoever started that rumor about cooking risotto is a goddamn liar. Just stir it every minute or two while you clean up or troll the internet. Add another 2 cups of warm broth at this point, and do that whole stir and simmer thing again for another 7 minutes or until the rice tastes slightly undercooked and there’s still broth in the pot. Now dump in the asparagus and cook until it’s tender and the rice looks like its sitting in a creamy gravy, about 5 more minutes. If it starts looking a little dry before everything is tender, just add some more of the broth a tablespoon at a time to fix that shit.

    When the rice and asparagus taste on point, turn off the heat; add the lemon zest, remaining oil, half the chives, and a little pepper. Taste and add more salt, pepper, or whateverthefuck you want. Serve right away and top with the remaining chives.

     

    * This kind of rice is starchy as hell, so it will make your risotto the extra creamy and delicious. If you can’t find it don’t worry about it, just grab a short grain rice.

     

  5. Looking for that perfect grocery bag? Not anymore.

    Check out Thug Kitchen’s new merch store. You’re fucking welcome.

     

  6. Today marks the beginning of the Lunar New Year, so what the hell are you cooking up? Grubbing on long noodles is believed to add longevity to your life and you’re going to need the extra luck to offset whatever dumbass plans you have with fireworks later. The fennel and ginger in here do fucking wonders for your digestion, there’s no celebration required to work those into your diet. So this year take control of your plate and leave the fireworks to the pros.

    WINTER VEGETABLE STIR FRY

    8 ounces of noodles (udon, somen, soba, spaghetti, rice noodles, whateverthefuck you want but the longer the better)

    1 ½ teaspoon neutral tasting oil  (like grapeseed, peanut, sesame, something flavorless. DO NOT grab TOASTED sesame oil, that’s different shit)

    1 large bulb of fennel

    2 medium carrots

    1 large bunch of kale

    1 ½ tablespoons of minced ginger

    4-5 cloves of garlic

    1 tablespoon soy sauce or tamari

    1 tablespoon seasoned rice vinegar

    1 tablespoon water

    1 ½ teaspoons orange juice

    1 teaspoon chili paste or Asian style hot sauce (optional)

    1 cup sliced green onions

    Cook the noodles according the package directions, rinse them under cool water, and set them aside. Slice up the fennel and carrots into thin matchsticks about an inch long. Remove the stem from the kale and slice it up into thin strips about the length and width of your finger. Mince up that garlic and ginger too since you’re already chopping shit up.

    In a large wok or skillet warm the oil over a medium-high heat. Add the fennel and carrots and stir fry until the vegetables begin to soften and char in some spots, about 4 minutes. Stir frequently. While that’s going down, mix together the tamari, vinegar, water, oj, and chili paste in a small glass.

    When the veggies in the wok are ready add the ginger, garlic, and kale. Mix those motherfuckers up and cook for another 30 seconds. Rinse the noodles again, shake off some of the excess water, and then add them to the wok. Turn down the heat to medium. Toss the noodles together with the vegetables and add the sauce. Cook for another 30 seconds just so the noodles get warm and the sauce gets cooked in. If it starts to look a little dry, calm the fuck down and add another tablespoon or two of water. Turn off the heat, fold in the green onions, and taste that shit. Add more vinegar, hot sauce, or a splash of tamari if you want. I don’t really give a shit how you customize your flavor. Serve hot and topped some more green onions.

    Serves 4 as a side