1. There’s nothing wrong with a cold beer on a hot day but sometimes you’ve got to change shit up. Don’t let summer slip by without sipping on this refreshing son of a bitch. Plums, plucots, pluots, use whatthefuckever you can find. Any of these sweet ass stone fruits will work. Level up your libations, motherfucker. 

     

    STONE FRUIT SMASH

    makes 2 drinks

    2 plums or similar sized stone fruit

    6 sprigs fresh thyme

    4 ounces gin

    2 tablespoons lemon juice

    1-2 teaspoons agave or other liquid sweetener*

    ice

    splash of tonic or soda water**

    Cut the plums up into bite-sized pieces. Leave the skin on, don’t overthink this shit. Thrown them in a jar or large glass with a lid. Add the tiny ass branches of thyme, gin, lemon juice, sweetener, and a handful of ice to the jar and throw on the lid. Shake the ever-living fuck out of it until the ice smashes the fruit pieces and everything looks banged to hell. Strain out all the big chunks of fruit and thyme and pour the remaining drink into some glasses over ice. Everything should be all plum colored and looking fancy. You can drink this beautiful bastard as is but feel free to add a couple splashes of tonic if that’s you’re shit.

    *If your fruit is sweet enough you can just leave this shit out. Do whatever tastes right to you.

    ** Optional but add this if you like your drinks to have a little less bite.

     

  2. Starting to feel like ninety one thousand damn degrees outside? We got you. Chill the fuck out with a big ass cup of this tropical treat. All you need are five fucking ingredients and a blender. You should be able to handle that shit even if it feels like the world is melting.

    PIÑA COLADA ICE CREAM  

    Makes about 1 ½ pints, enough for 2-3 sweaty motherfuckers

    3 cups of frozen pineapple*

    1 frozen banana, broken into chunks

    1 ½ cups canned coconut milk

    1 tablespoon liquid sweetener like agave or maple syrup, whatever you got

    ½ teaspoon vanilla extract

    Throw everything in a blender and run that shit until it’s all smooth. Pour it into a loaf pan or similar shaped container and smooth it all around so it’s even. Don’t go freezing some uneven chunky bullshit and waste everybody’s time.

    Cover and place in the motherfucking freezer until it is nice and solid, at least 5 hours depending on how shitty your freezer is. You know what the fuck you should do with ice cream after that. This is best eaten the first day or two after it’s made because it can get harder to scoop the longer it sits. But no doubt you or your roommates will get after it long before then. 

    *about one 16 ounce bag

     

  3. All the fresh herbs piled in here make this a choice dish for spring. If you know how to mash and chop, then this fucker is basically already made. YOU. GOT. THIS.

    This recipe is straight out of new The VB6 Cookbook by Mark Bittman. Share this post and your name will be entered in a random drawing for a chance to win a copy of the book. Winners will be selected Friday May 9th and if your name gets picked, we’ll contact you for your mailing address. And don’t worry, we aren’t just giving away one book, we’re giving away FIVE. So why the fuck are you still reading about it? Share this deliciousness and you’re entered to win. 

    CHICKPEA TABBOULEH

    3 cups cooked chickpeas*

    2 large tomatoes, chopped

    2 ribs of celery, chopped

    1 red bell pepper, chopped

    5 radishes, chopped

    1 cup chopped fresh parsley

    1 cup chopped fresh mint

    ½ cup chopped green onions

    3 tablespoons olive oil

    3 tablespoons lemon juice

    ½ teaspoon salt

    ¼ teaspoon ground pepper

    Throw the chickpeas in a large bowl and mash those little motherfuckers up until a bunch of them break apart. Use a fork, a potato masher, your fists, whatever you got. Some beans can be left whole, don’t fucking stress about it.

    Add everything else in and toss until it’s all mixed up and coated in the dressing. Taste and add more lemon juice, salt, pepper, you know, whatthefuckever you think might be lacking. Serve it right away or chill that shit in the fridge.

    *2 15 ounce cans if that’s more your speed.

     

     

  4. So you might’ve thought we’ve been slipping the past couple months with no new posts but we swear there’s a good fucking reason for the radio silence. We’ve been working our asses off on the book and now you can finally preorder your copy through Amazon, Barnes & Noble, IndieBound, or Books-A-Million.

    We know y’all have been patient and we really appreciate that shit. We’ve poured everything we can into this damn book and it’s taking some time to get that shit right. We didn’t want some half-ass book that looks like we just printed off a bunch of stuff from the site. Naw, we know you deserve better than that. So this book hits hard with 100 brand new, tasty as fuck recipes that are guaranteed to elevate your kitchen game.

    Stay tuned for more updates, behind the scenes shit, and all kinds of previews as we get closer to unleashing this beast of a book.

    The Thug Kitchen Cookbook is coming for you October 2014.

    Expect that shit.

     

  5. Asparagus is a solid stand-alone veggie with all its vitamin K and folate but paired with this creamy risotto? HOT DAMN. It takes this spring staple to another level.

    SPRING ASPARAGUS RISOTTO

    Enough for 4 people

    2 tablespoons olive oil

    1/3 cup chopped shallots or yellow onion

    3 cloves garlic, minced

    1 cup Arborio rice*

    ½ cup white wine

    ¼ teaspoon salt

    4 ½ cups vegetable broth

    1 bunch asparagus, about 1 pound

    ½ teaspoon lemon zest

    1 teaspoon olive oil

    ¼ cup minced chives

    pepper to taste

    Warm up the veggie broth in a medium pot until it gently simmers then turn off the heat. Chop up the shallots, garlic, and asparagus. You’ll want the asparagus in pieces about an inch long, like bite-sized. Cut off the tough ends because those woody sons of bitches will ruin everything.

    In a large skillet or pot with a wide bottom, heat up the 2 tablespoons of oil over a medium heat. Add the shallots and sauté them around until they start to look kinda golden, about 2-3 minutes. Add the garlic and rice and sauté until the rice smells toasted and starts looking like it absorbed some of the oil, about 2 more minutes. This helps make your risotto all creamy SO DON’T SKIP THIS SHIT. Add the white wine and salt to the pot and cook until most of the wine has evaporated and you scraped whatever bits of shallot got stuck to the bottom of the pot, like a minute or 2. Drink the rest wine because… well, that shits already open. Might as well.

    Now add 2 cups of the warm broth, stir, and lower the heat so that the pot is at a simmer, uncovered. Stir every couple of minutes until most of the broth has absorbed into the rice, about 7-10 minutes. You don’t need to stand there and stir it the whole fucking time; whoever started that rumor about cooking risotto is a goddamn liar. Just stir it every minute or two while you clean up or troll the internet. Add another 2 cups of warm broth at this point, and do that whole stir and simmer thing again for another 7 minutes or until the rice tastes slightly undercooked and there’s still broth in the pot. Now dump in the asparagus and cook until it’s tender and the rice looks like its sitting in a creamy gravy, about 5 more minutes. If it starts looking a little dry before everything is tender, just add some more of the broth a tablespoon at a time to fix that shit.

    When the rice and asparagus taste on point, turn off the heat; add the lemon zest, remaining oil, half the chives, and a little pepper. Taste and add more salt, pepper, or whateverthefuck you want. Serve right away and top with the remaining chives.

     

    * This kind of rice is starchy as hell, so it will make your risotto the extra creamy and delicious. If you can’t find it don’t worry about it, just grab a short grain rice.

     

  6. Looking for that perfect grocery bag? Not anymore.

    Check out Thug Kitchen’s new merch store. You’re fucking welcome.