1. GET THAT SOUPY GREEN BEAN SHIT OUTTA HERE. C’mon, anybody showing up with that casserole from a can didn’t even fucking try. How about something much tastier that packs some actual nutrition in it? Bring this bastard to Thanksgiving and nobody is going to ask you to do the goddamn dishes.


    1 ½ pounds of brussels sprouts

    1 tablespoon olive oil

    1 cup quinoa

    1 ¾ cup water

    pinch of salt

    1/3 cup toasted almonds

    1/3 cup dried cranberries (if you can’t find any, don’t fucking sweat it)

    ¼ cup chopped parsley

    1/8 teaspoon of salt

    pepper to taste


    2-3 cloves of garlic

    2 ½ tablespoons red wine vinegar

    2 tablespoons lemon juice (about 1 lemon)

    2 teaspoons Dijon mustard

    1 teaspoon olive oil

    Heat the oven up to 400 degrees. Tear off any fucked up lookin leaves on the brussels sprouts and chop them into quarters (or halves if they are little). Toss them with a tablespoon of olive oil and spread them out on a baking sheet. Roast those sons of bitches for 20 minutes, stirring half way, or until the sprouts are golden and kinda burnt in some places. Goddamn delicious. Just trust. Boiling these tiny cabbage-looking motherfuckers is a crime. ROAST OR GTFO.

    While that shit is going down, rinse the quinoa with some water so that it isn’t bitter when you cook it (yeah, you’re fucking welcome). Throw it in a medium pot with the water and pinch of salt and bring it to a boil over a medium heat. Turn the heat down to a simmer, cover that shit, and let it cook for about 15-20 minutes or until all the water is gone and the quinoa is tender. Turn off the heat. Chop up the garlic all small and throw it in a small glass with the rest of the ingredients for the dressing and mix well.

    When the sprouts are done, toss them in a bowl with the cooked quinoa and the dressing. Mix that shit so that everything is coated real well. Add the almonds, cranberries, parsley, salt, and pepper and mix again. Taste it and see if you need more salt or pepper or whatthefuckever you think is missing. Serve warm or at room temperature.

    Serves 4-6 as a side, double that shit and bring it to Thanksgiving if you feel like being a popular motherfucker

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