1. Trying to feed a big ass crowd for the football game? DON’T FUCK AROUND WITH SOME CAMPBELL’S CHUNKY SODIUM SOUP. Serve your guests this gridiron grub and give those bastards protein, fiber, and a full stomach all on the cheap. Sneak some veggies in that motherfucker like zucchini, peppers, and carrots and nobody will taste the goddamn difference because you’re a nutritional ninja.


    1 medium onion

    2 medium bell peppers

    1 zucchini

    2 carrots

    4 cloves of garlic

    2 teaspoons olive oil

    4 tablespoons chili powder

    1 1/2 teaspoons cumin

    1 teaspoon oregano

    1 teaspoon smoked paprika

    ½ teaspoon salt

    1 cup of beer (I like to use a stout but use whateverthefuck you got)

    3 tablespoons tomato paste

    28 ounce can of diced tomatoes (check the label, avoid the fucking salt if you can)

    1 cup vegetable broth or water

    1 ½ cups of cooked or 1-15  ounce can of each: pinto, kidney, and black beans (you can use whatever beans you got but I like using 3 different kinds because variety is the shit)

    1 ½ cups hominy (precooked or canned) or corn kernels (optional)

    juice of ½ a lemon or 1 lime

    2 teaspoons of brown sugar (also fucking optional)

    Chop up the onion, bell peppers, zucchini, and carrots into pieces no bigger than a motherfucking bean. Dice up the garlic all small and shit. Grab a big ass pot and heat up the olive oil over a medium heat. Add the onions and cook them until they start to look a little brown, about 5-8 minutes. Add the bell peppers, zucchini, and carrots and cook for another 5 minutes. Add the garlic, chili powder, cumin, oregano, paprika, and salt and cook for another minute. By now, your whole place should start smelling good enough to make the fucking neighbors jealous. Add the beer, tomato paste, diced tomatoes, and broth then scrap any spice shit that started sticking to the bottom of the pot.  Let that all simmer together for 5 minutes. There should some beer left in the can, sip that shit while you’re waiting.

    Now add the beans (and the hominy if you opted for this dopeness). Stir everything and turn down the heat to medium low. Slap on a lid and let that simmer for about 30 minutes. Set a timer if your ass is easily distracted like me. After the 30 minutes, stir it around and if you still want a thicker chili take off the lid and let it simmer for another 10-15 minutes. When the chili looks legit by your standards, add the lemon juice then taste that motherfucker. Depending on the brand of tomatoes you got, you might need to add some brown sugar to balance the taste out. Taste again and see if it needs more chili powder or salt. Throw in some cayenne pepper if you like that shit hot. Serve warm and lay out some fresh toppings like red onion, jalapenos, and cilantro.  

    Makes one big fucking pot, enough to serve 6 people easy


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