1. You know how you lied and said that you’d actually bring something to the party this time? FUCKING DO IT. Did someone else bring a pasta salad? Throw that shit away because it doesn’t even hold a candle to what you just brought to the table.  That zesty Italian dressing shit is played out.


    ½ cup of each herb: chopped green onions, cilantro, dill, and parsley (feel free to swap these around for whatever you’ve got. Shit, toss basil in the mix and it would be just as awesome)

    4-5 cloves of garlic all chopped up (I fucking love garlic so adjust according to your tastes)

    6 tablespoons sherry vinegar (red wine vinegar or even rice vinegar could work here if that’s what you got)

    4 tablespoons olive oil

    ½ teaspoon lemon zest (calm the fuck down, just grate the skin of the lemon on the smallest side of your grater)

    ¼ teaspoon salt

    1 pound of pasta (whole wheat, quinoa, brown rice, whatever you like)

    1 crown of broccoli

    3 medium-sized tomatoes

    2 ears of raw corn

    pepper to taste

    Throw all the herbs, garlic, vinegar, oil, lemon zest, and salt in a food processor and blend until it is all chopped up and looks like a sauce. Don’t fucking give up if you don’t own a food processor. Just chop up all that shit extra tiny and mix it together in a glass. Done.

    Cook the pasta according to the directions on the package. Simple shit. While the pasta cooks, cut up the broccoli into bite-sized pieces. You should get around 3-4 cups. In the last 2 minutes of boiling the pasta, throw the broccoli in there. No need to cook those sons of bitches separately. After 1-2 minutes drain the pot, then run cold water over all of it to cool that shit down and keep the broccoli looking bright green. The broccoli should be cooked but still a little crisp.

    Cut the raw corn off the cob and chop up the tomatoes into pieces about the size of a dime. Mix together the pasta, corn, tomatoes, and herb sauce in a big ass bowl. Add as much pepper as you like. Try that shit and see if you need more vinegar, salt, or oil. Your tastes are on you. You can serve this at room temperature but I like to chill the motherfucker in the fridge for a couple hours.

    Serves 4-6 people unless some greedy asshole camps out by the table


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